When I was younger I used to watch a lot of romantic movies. These movies so often contained pivotal moments in which the romantic lead would feel betrayed. The main love interest fucked up and our favourite characters were faced with a choice on whether to forgive. I remember watching, incredulous, wondering why she didn’t just give in. She clearly wanted to love him so why couldn’t she just swallow her pride? Turn over and let go of all the anger and doubt and drown herself in blissful ignorance.
Such is the naivety of youth. Now I find myself lying beside a guilty body every night. Waves of energy flowing between us, willing me to unclench and wrap myself in him. I knew I wanted to, I wanted so badly to love him and every pop culture reference screamed at me to give in. But I never did. I would cling so tightly to my principles that love had no room to squeeze into my embrace. And now I am left, alone, with only my pride to accompany me. Asking myself repeatedly, is it worth it?